What Hurts The Most
by Reanna-Kris-Katelyn
Summary: Hughes has died, Elicia's screaming, Gracia's crying... How can Roy take this scene that is playing out before him?


Me: Oh More RANDOMNESS!

Ed: Too Much Randomness if you ask me.

Roy: she never asked you…

Ed: **Shrugs** whatever…

Me: He he… what else is on here…

Kaylee: I have a strange premionition you're about to do another Hughes rant…

Me: No… A Roy's Version of a Hughes rant, you were close…

Kaylee: Wow… ummm, you're not going to kill Hughes?

Me: How can I kill what's already dead?

Kaylee: **Gasps** so our loving Kodak commercial is dead?

Me: Yah, but I've been planning this fic for a long time…

What Hurts the Most

I stood by the grave of my best friend. I fought the tears that threatened to overwhelm me at that moment. I watched silently as they brought the coffin to the open hole in the ground and laid my best friend, Maes Hughes, in his final resting place. I could hear his daughter, Elicia, who I had considered almost my niece, screaming at them not to burry him, they had just told her that he was asleep, she didn't understand her father would never return to her.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house,

That don't bother me,

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out,

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while,

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me,

There are days every now and again I pretend I'm o.k.,

But that's not what gets me…

They lead Gracia, Maes' wife, and Elicia away crying harder than I had ever seen them cry before. I saw Major Alex Louis Armstrong, another of Maes' and mine's friend, put his hand to his face to cover the fact he, too, was crying. I took a deep breath to keep from crying myself and reflected on what had happened.

What hurts the most,

Was being so close,

And having so much to say,

And watching you walk away,

And never knowing,

What could have been,

And not seeing that love in you,

Is what I was trying to do…

The last thing I had heard him say was: "So hurry up and get a wife!" it made me smile sadly as I recalled the conversation. He had called me to tell me that his daughter Elicia was turning three. I had been working that day when he had called, although he had also been at work, he didn't seem to care as he sarcastically remarked about his wife. I had asked him if he would help me find out if there was a way to set someone aflame via the phones and he had replied very sarcastically: "Woah, I'm shaking in my boots Mr. Flame Alchemist." It was before he told me I might get transferred to Central City and some other stuff. I couldn't believe that the jovial exchange of words had been our last.

It's hard to deal with the pain of loosing you everywhere I go,

But I'm doing it,

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone,

Still harder getting up, getting dressed,

Living with this regret,

But I know if I could do it over,

I would trade, give away,

All the words that I've save in my heart,

That I've left unspoken…

I sniffled quietly as I recalled the last thing I thought he may have heard. I thought he had tried to call from an outside line to brag about his family again, but by the time I got to the phone telling him I was tired of hearing about his family, there was no answer. I looked around and notice everyone was leaving. I turned to the grave marker sighing slightly as I read it and reread it.

What hurts the most,

Was being so close,

And having so much to say,

And watching you walk away,

And never knowing,

What could have been,

And not seeing that love in you,

Is what I was trying to do…

"Promoted two ranks higher in death. Major General Hughes, Huh…? You said you were going to support me by working under me. How are you going to do that now, when you have a higher rank than me? You fool." I said staring at the rank they had given him.

What hurts the most,

Was being so close,

And having so much to say,

And watching you walk away,

And never knowing,

What could have been,

And not seeing that love in you,

Is what I was trying to do,

And not seeing that love in you,

That's what I was trying to do…

"Colonel?" I heard Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, my right hand woman, say as she came up to me carrying my jacket as I turned to face her. "Aren't you cold Sir, with all this wind? Maybe you should think of heading back?" she asked quietly. I shook my head.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house,

That don't bother me,

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out,

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while,

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me,

There are days every now and again I pretend I'm o.k.,

But that's not what gets me…

"In a minute." I then turned back to the marker with a solemn look. "What despicable creatures we alchemists are, Lieutenant. Right now… There's a part of me that's trying to figure out the details of transmuting human beings. Now I think I can understand why those two kids wanted to bring their mother back." I said sadly. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her look at me in concern.

What hurts the most,

Was being so close,

And having so much to say,

And watching you walk away,

And never knowing,

What could have been,

And not seeing that love in you,

Is what I was trying to do…

"…Are you all right, sir?" she asked. I nodded.

It's hard to deal with the pain of loosing you everywhere I go,

But I'm doing it,

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone,

Still harder getting up, getting dressed,

Living with this regret,

But I know if I could do it over,

I would trade, give away,

All the words that I've save in my heart,

That I've left unspoken…

"I'm fine. Looks like…… It's starting to rain…" I said as I put on my hat that I had taken off after everyone had left.

What hurts the most,

Was being so close,

And having so much to say,

And watching you walk away,

And never knowing,

What could have been,

And not seeing that love in you,

Is what I was trying to do…

"But… It's not raining…" Riza replied in confusion.

What hurts the most,

Was being so close,

And having so much to say,

And watching you walk away,

And never knowing,

What could have been,

And not seeing that love in you,

Is what I was trying to do,

And not seeing the love in you,

That's what I was trying to do…

"Yes it is. This is rain." I said as a few tears began to flow down my cheeks. I soon fell to my knees and buried my head in my hands sobbing loudly. Maes had been my best friend, it never really truly annoyed my when he spoke of his family, which was almost as if it was my own. Riza placed a hand on my back kneeling as best she could in a skirt beside me. Maes had been like my older brother, and god had taken him from me. I heard my self begin to scream like I had no control of it. A long anguish filled scream filled the air that came from my mouth. "I won't take this! I won't believe it!" I screamed crying harder than I had ever done in my life. I felt Riza embrace me as I sobbed helplessly.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house,

That don't bother me,

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out,

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while,

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me,

There are days every now and again I pretend I'm o.k.,

But that's not what gets me…

"It's all right Roy… Just let it out…" Riza said softly, as she cuddled me. I just kept crying and screaming in despair.

What hurts the most,

Was being so close,

And having so much to say,

And watching you walk away,

And never knowing,

What could have been,

And not seeing that love in you,

Is what I was trying to do…

Riza held me as I sobbed out every single thing I had regretted never telling him. Riza moved so that she was kneeling in front of me hugging me tightly as I sobbed.

It's hard to deal with the pain of loosing you everywhere I go,

But I'm doing it,

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone,

Still harder getting up, getting dressed,

Living with this regret,

But I know if I could do it over,

I would trade, give away,

All the words that I've save in my heart,

That I've left unspoken…

I didn't get why I was crying or why I continued to scream, it just seemed the only way I could get over it. Hell, I don't even know what had possessed me to begin crying in the first place.

What hurts the most,

Was being so close,

And having so much to say,

And watching you walk away,

And never knowing,

What could have been,

And not seeing that love in you,

Is what I was trying to do…

What hurts the most,

Was being so close,

And having so much to say,

And watching you walk away,

And never knowing,

What could have been,

And not seeing that love in you,

Is what I was trying to do,

And not seeing the love in you,

That's what I was trying to do…

"He can't be dead! I won't allow him to be! He told me he would always be here for me! I won't accept this!" I shouted as I clung to Riza for comfort, I couldn't grasp the death of my best friend, I guess I never would because his death truly was "What Hurts the Most."

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house,

That don't bother me,

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out,

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while,

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me,

There are days every now and again I pretend I'm o.k.,

But that's not what gets me…

What hurts the most,

Was being so close,

And having so much to say,

And watching you walk away,

And never knowing,

What could have been,

And not seeing that love in you,

Is what I was trying to do…

It's hard to deal with the pain of loosing you everywhere I go,

But I'm doing it,

It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone,

Still harder getting up, getting dressed,

Living with this regret,

But I know if I could do it over,

I would trade, give away,

All the words that I've save in my heart,

That I've left unspoken…

What hurts the most,

Was being so close,

And having so much to say,

And watching you walk away,

And never knowing,

What could have been,

And not seeing that love in you,

Is what I was trying to do…

What hurts the most,

Was being so close,

And having so much to say,

And watching you walk away,

And never knowing,

What could have been,

And not seeing that love in you,

Is what I was trying to do,

And not seeing the love in you,

That's what I was trying to do…

Me: I'm sorry this is so sad… damn no wonder I started crying…

Kaylee: OMG that's sad!

Me: Any way, this fic is dedicated to someone who is recently deceased. I barely knew her but she never badmouthed me and she was always kind to everyone.

Teresa Kay Brown…

September 7, 1989 – June 1, 2006…

In Loving Memory I Dedicate this to you…

May God Rest Your Sweet Soul Forever in Peace…

You Were an Inspiration to us all, and What Hurts the Most….

Is never seeing your lovely smile…

Ever again…

We love you forever, and will never let your memory fade…

Teresa Kay Brown.

Disclaimers: The song doesn't belong to me it belongs to Rascal Flatts I believe, and the dialogue between Riza and Roy to the part where Roy collapses in tears, belongs to Hiromu Arakawa copied directly from volume four. The only reason it's there is because I like that scene. The actions the characters perform in this fic are more or less my version of what happened.

About Teresa Kay Brown… She was a very dear friend to the students of my school, Hayfork High, and I randomly had a dream where she came back to life… it was frikken crazy but that's why I wrote this… She died at the sad age of sixteen in a quad accident involving something I don't quite remember what… Any way, like Hughes, she is dead… she was much loved and this is my way of telling Hayfork: "May you always remember those you love, for you never know when god will call them back to his side. Teresa was a happy person, so live happy like she would have…" Teresa was an awesome girl who was like the female Hughes without the pictures at school. She died a few days before school ended which is what devastated everyone the most. Those around her will never forget her optimism and her love for everyone of the "Hayfork Family" and as Jessica S. told me one day: "Once you attend Hayfork High, you are part of the Hayfork Family. No matter what you say or do." I find it true and I know I will never forget others who have shown me what a real family like place Hayfork can be.

Acknowledgements:

Jessica S. - You're an inspiration to us all, stay strong.

John V. – Although you've told me Anime is for losers, I want to thank you for being a member of HHS

James A. – Thanks to you from the bottom of my heart, you've been one hell of a friend, don't ever change that.

Hillary H. – Where would I be without my little sister and partner in crime?

Tara G. – The little voice in my head that tells me I'm doing something right or wrong, thanks Moddy!

Lizzy S. – the elder sister character to us all and for that I love you Liz, like the elder sibling that's never tried to kill me.

The rest of HHS – Where would I be if I didn't have every one of you in my life? Everyone from Anthony R. to Joey M. I thank you all for becoming the inspiration I've craved for and to everyone I thank you for supporting each other through the hectic school year that I've witnessed.

Special Acknowledgement:

Mrs. A. Swanstrom – Keep your chin up and smile. You're the best teacher that a person could have. I may not have been paying attention most of the time in class but at least I did…. Err… tried… Umm… ATTEMPTED my homework…. But I believe I speak for every person when I say: "You're one hell of a teacher, keep going and smash through the obstacles in your way."


End file.
